Yesterday I told you about a close friend of ours whose son was saved from almost certain moral turpitude by the power of prayer. For every child who is saved from damnation hudreds are allowed to continue their involvment with Pokemon - the crazy addictive kid-cult that kills. Let us now explore some of the unfortunate consequences of growing-up without Christian moral guidance - as you can see, the results are profoundly shocking:
By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches. Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” - the “Ghost Pokemon”.
“My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step - it literally took me all night to do a step, ‘cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.”—Kayne West on his video game ideas. [Examiner]
The Jamba Juice at 5th Avenue and 42nd Street was robbed at gunpoint yesterday morning. The robbery was a case of (peach) perfection with cops arriving in time to spot the assailant, but not able to capture him when he fled as swiftly as a (strawberry) surf rider. During the robbery, two employees on duty were given a (protein berry) workout as the robber, described as a six-foot black man, (chocolate) moo’d them to the back room. He then cleared out the cash register and safe while he likely achieved a state of (strawberry) nirvana. Despite being armed, no (wheatgrass) shots were fired and the thief can now only hope for some form of immunity (boost) if he is caught.
“He ordered like 20 dollars worth of food” the kid stammered out, obviously thrilled to be talking about it, “And he left me a 160 dollar tip. Then he asked for a Sprite and gave me forty bucks for it.”—
The Alternate Title: “Man, those wacky NYU Kids. Did you know I went to NYU? I did. Shit sucked—did so much blow and shit. Man, shit was off the hook. So they suck. And John Sexton is a prick. Because he, like, is the man, man. Thank god I became a blogger. Because that totally is counter-culture. And, man, did you know I went to NYU and became a blogger? And I reverse opinions when I can buck the system. Man.”
The Alternate, Alternate Title: Sad, Local Man reblogs Unemployed Man’s Link on Tumblr while not doing his part-time job and getting you to click this link so he can afford food, rent and paying off his impulsive iPhone purchase. Also, did you know that Gawker dude dropped out of NYU? Because he totally did and now he knows best.
The lack of retention lends itself to having fresh content. The joke is that 4chan post is a repost of a repost of a repost. There was a guy who was downloading every image from /b/. He calculated that 80 percent of what’s posted has been posted before. So it’s survival of the fittest. Ideas that are carried over to the next day are worth repeating. The things that are genuinely funny get carried over.
The reason we’re seen as a meme generation factory is because of the unique qualities of the image board and the lack of retention. On other bulletin boards, threads are archived indefinitely. All the big threads have been around for months or years. But with 4chan, something has to be really good to keep getting posted.
Yes, you’re right. All arts criticism should just be a mindless expression of the pure joy of being art-ed. Whee! Look at the colors!
People: stop posting this useless and literally stupid sentiment here or anywhere else where art is being discussed. WE DON’T CARE. If we only wanted to gawk, slack-jawed, at art we wouldn’t be writing about it. Because there would be nothing to write about. Also, stop misusing words like “pretentious” that you spotted on day-of-the-week toilet paper.
I mean, feel free to turn your brain off when you go to the movies, but at least turn it on when leaving comments.
P.S. I also didn’t like the Friday the 13th revamp. So “pretentious!” It was “brilliantly manipulative!”
New York Comic Con: Not only will you see shit, but you'll feel like it too!
I swear, everyone I know who went to the NYCC comics showhas come down with (as it’s colloquially known) the Con Crud.This manifests as anything from Undefined Shitty Feeling WithExtra Snot/Phlegm to Delibitating Chest/Head Infection WithRivers Of Green Horror to flat out 19th Century ConsumptionTeetering On The Edge Of Cellular Collapse.Hand sanitisers aren’t cutting it anymore. The next Americanconvention I do, I’m turning up in a fucking spacesuit.A SEXY spacesuit. Warren Ellis on the Post-New York Comic Con epidemic. [via BadSignal]